Bored in the Burbs

It's grim, it's slow, everything's badly designed and nothing really works properly: using Windows is like living in a communist bloc nation circa 1981. And I wouldn't change it for the world, because I'm an abject bloody idiot and I hate myself, and this is what I deserve: to be sentenced to Windows for life.

In this era’s battle between Apple and Microsoft, it really seems that we’re all losers.  Apple’s promises of seeming hip and trendy remain just illusions that piss other people off, while Microsoft dooms us all with infinite blue screens of death and lagging.

In an attempt to catch up to Apple’s hip factor, Microsoft is suggesting to its customers that they host release parties.  But before you jump the gun and sign up for one of these, imagine the probable scene that unrolls before your guests:

The idea is that you invite a group of friends – your real friends – to your home – your real home – and entertain them with a series of Windows 7 tutorials. So you show them how to burn a CD, how to make a little video, how to change the wallpaper, and how to, oh no, hang on it’s not supposed to do that, oh, I think it’s frozen, um, er, let me just, um, no that’s not it, um, er, um, er, so how’s it going with you and Kathy anyway, um, er, OK well see you around I guess.

So who do we turn to?  Well for me, like the author of the story, the creepiness of the Mac pusher is a turn-off to me.  Until Microsoft offers a better option, I’ll just stick here cursing under my breath at these damn hourglasses on my screen.